E justitsim

First published in ‘Story Book’, by Spilling Ink Review, 2012

..an’ no, we shouldna bin going nowhere near the car if we bin drinking, but that’s where Jay’d left his fags and we was fucked if we were gunna buy new ones just for the sake of it. The car was up in the multi-story place behind the Odeon. This is still early on, about seven o’clock, so the car park weren’t exactly empty but it was clearing out like. So. We come out the stairs and Jay puts is arm across my chest and tells me to shush. E’s looking over at is car. There’s this geezer standing there right by it: some cunt in a hoodie looking through the window. E’s obviously tryna nick the car innee. E’s got his back to us so e can’t see us; we’re just stood there watching im tryna jimmy the driver’s door open. E keeps looking side to side, this geezer, but never behind. If e did e would’ve seen us rightaway. Mug. So. Jay nods at me and starts walking over, all casual like, talking proper loud about some bollocks, I dunno, something to do with work. Point is, this bloke’s sposed to hear it – and e does. E just freezes mate. We walk up level with the car then carry on a bit further like we’re going somewhere else. Then Jay pretends e’s seen the bloke for the first time. All right pal, you locked out? he says. Nah nah, the bloke goes. I’m all right I’m all right. All the while e’s not looking at us; e’s trying to keep his face hidden. Old on, let’s ave a look, says Jay: I used to ave one of these. And e comes round the back of the car, Jay does. So now this geezer’s stood right between us; e’s got nowhere to go. Jay comes up to the driver’s window with is ands in is pockets and looks through. Then e stands up straight and says you sure this is yours? Course, that gets the geezer worried. E turns and looks at me – fucking ugly cunt e was an all – then e turns round to Jay. But before e can do anything Jay hits im; e justitsim. And mate, this bloke, is nose just goes pop. I mean there’s blood everywhere. Jay’s just opened the door and got is fags and we’ve gone straight back to the pub mate; we’ve  just left this wanker lying on the floor. Jay goes back the next day to pick the car up. Car’s fine; no one‘s touched it. E didn’t come back and ave another go then, I says to im. Did e fuck, says Jay. Fucking scumbag.

(c) Martin Cornwell 2012